My therapist (yes, I have one) suggested to me that I should start journaling again. Apparently he missed the part of our conversation where I told him I would love to sit down and write, but when I do I have nothing to say. It’s a problem. He–the therapist–says I shouldn’t worry about recording daily minutiae (my word, not his), but should focus on emotions instead. Again, I don’t think he was paying attention when I told him my emotional state is the problem. The pervading emotion is a flat hopelessness. What can I say about that?
Do you ever get the feeling that people, especially “professionals” have these pat answers that they hand out to everyone? They are just following a pattern that generally works for them or their clients, and so they don’t really bother addressing individual situations? I’ve been to enough therapists over the years to know exactly what they are going to tell me to do about my “issues.” Keeping a journal is one of the standard suggestions, along with getting some exercise, “shutting down” the negative thoughts, eating better, and finding a hobby to occupy my time. I would like to tell him/them (and perhaps I will if I am feeling braver the next time we chat) that I am not stupid, and if the solution to my problem were that simple I wouldn’t be looking to pay someone like him exorbitant amounts of money to help me. If I barely have enough motivation to get up out of bed in the morning, does he really think I’m going to find enough to go to the gym? If I could squeeze a positive thought into my head more than once a week would I need him at all? If I had a single literary inspiration does he think I would hesitate to write it down?
Okay, so that fact that I am sitting here “journaling” my frustration is something. A small step, perhaps. I will thank my therapist for pissing me off enough to get me to write these few lines. Maybe anger is better than hopelessness, I don’t know. What do you think? I’ll try to hold on to it a little longer and maybe tomorrow I can write another tirade against… I dunno… the pointlessness of journaling, perhaps.