My therapist (yes, I have one) suggested to me that I should start journaling again.  Apparently he missed the part of our conversation where I told him I would love to sit down and write, but when I do I have nothing to say.  It’s a problem.  He–the therapist–says I shouldn’t worry about recording daily minutiae (my word, not his), but should focus on emotions instead.  Again, I don’t think he was paying attention when I told him my emotional state is the problem.  The pervading emotion is a flat hopelessness.  What can I say about that?

Do you ever get the feeling that people, especially “professionals” have these pat answers that they hand out to everyone?  They are just following a pattern that generally works for them or their clients, and so they don’t really bother addressing individual situations?  I’ve been to enough therapists over the years to know exactly what they are going to tell me to do about my “issues.”  Keeping a journal is one of the standard suggestions, along with getting some exercise, “shutting down” the negative thoughts, eating better, and finding a hobby to occupy my time.  I would like to tell him/them (and perhaps I will if I am feeling braver the next time we chat) that I am not stupid, and if the solution to my problem were that simple I wouldn’t be looking to pay someone like him exorbitant amounts of money to help me.  If I barely have enough motivation to get up out of bed in the morning, does he really think I’m going to find enough to go to the gym?  If I could squeeze a positive thought into my head more than once a week would I need him at all?  If I had a single literary inspiration does he think I would hesitate to write it down?

Okay, so that fact that I am sitting here “journaling” my frustration is something.  A small step, perhaps.  I will thank my therapist for pissing me off enough to get me to write these few lines.   Maybe anger is better than hopelessness, I don’t know.  What do you think?  I’ll try to hold on to it a little longer and maybe tomorrow I can write another tirade against… I dunno… the pointlessness of journaling, perhaps.

 We have started spring soccer and boy are we having fun.  I purchased Ethan some soccer shoes to help him run even faster on the field, it took a little getting used to but he decided that he liked them.
 Ethan has really come a long way since he played in the fall.  Aaron has been helping to coach his team this season, and I think it has really helped Ethan.  He loves having his Dad out there on the field and you should see how proud Aaron is.
 Aaron has a huge smile on his face the whole game while watching Ethan play.  And at the quarter mark and half mark Aaron comes over to me and asks me if I have seen all the great things Ethan has been doing.  It is so cute.  Aaron loves that Ethan has very powerful legs and can run very fast.  Aaron was also a very fast runner at this age.  He also loves that Ethan can kick the ball very far, especially when everyone is surrounding it.  
We have loved going to his games and are excited for more to come.  His little brother can't wait until it is his turn to be out there.

I’ve started postcrossing again after a hiatus of several years.  It’s such a simple thing, but so enjoyable on a number of levels.  I like the social aspect–getting to know a little bit about people that normally I wouldn’t meet.  I like that it is a global activity and that I am reaching out around the world and people are reaching back to me.  It is an academic pursuit; I am learning not only about people but about cultures, geography, politics, music, art, and language.  It is also a creative endeavor, especially when I find someone who enjoys handmade cards.  Then I get to pull out my craft supplies and make something new, something original–a one of a kind treat.  And there’s nothing I like better than receiving a similar treasure from someone else.

So… here is my first handmade card.  The pages are from a Steinbeck novel (don’t worry–the book binding was broken and it was destined for the dump, but I saved it and I’m happily repurposing), for other book lovers out there like me.  As soon as I start receiving postcards again, I’ll post pictures of them here as well.  You can see some that I received previously by visiting my profile.

 We have all been so excited about Kathy and Dan's pregnancy.  Kathy is having a baby girl,Just like me, and I can't wait for our little girls to become great friends and cousins.  Kathy is due in July about 1 month after me and since it is her first baby we, Grandma Stout and I,  knew she needed to have a baby shower.
 Carolee and I got things organized and invited the family from both sides to join in this exciting time for Kathy.  (I made Kathy a diaper cake, and if I do say so myself it turned out pretty well)
 We met at the club house, in Carolee's neighborhood, and had Kneaders bring in food (one of Kathy's favorite places to eat).  We wanted to keep things nice but simple at the same time.  I think we accomplished that and everyone seemed to have a great time celebrating this joyous occasion.




 Carolee had the same lady who made Kathy and Dan's wedding cake make her baby shower cake.  It was delicious and beautiful.  There was even some left for Kathy to take home to Dan.
 Marion, Kathy, and Suzie
 Shana and Carolee aka Grandma Stout







Kathy received some very nice gifts to help her and Dan on this chapter in their lives.  We know they will do an amazing job at raising the beautiful baby girl that God has entrusted to them.  I can't wait for our girls to meet.  Love ya  Kathy, and I hope you had as much fun at your shower as I did.

Today Kathy and I got together to make some crock pot freezer meals.  We are both trying to get things ready for when our babies come.  I was really excited to make them because on the website I used it said that it only took an hour and a half to assemble everything because there is really no cooking involved.  Needless to say it took us about 4 hours to do ours and we even ended up not doing two of the recipes because we were both so exhausted.  Next time I will plan things out a little better and I think things will go a lot faster.  I am really excited to eat them and I hope my family likes them too.

Ethan started spring soccer today.  Aaron took him alone, because I was still working on the freezer meals, and Landon was ready for a nap even though he told me that he didn't want to take one.  Aaron said that this is the best he has seen Ethan play and that he has really improved.  I love to see that boy running around and having fun with his friends.

Aaron worked on the pond today and added some beautiful bushes and a tree to help shade the koi fish.  It looks really good and I am glad he was able to get that part of his projects out of the way.  He is so busy and there is just not enough time on Saturday to finish everything.  Hopefully he will get some more things done this next weekend.

Only 7 more weeks till Baby Lily arrives!

 WOW! I can't believe we only have 8 more weeks till we see our little baby Lily.  We have been getting the nursery ready for her and buying her some cute clothes to wear.  The boys are very excited to see their sister and have been super cute with me.  They love to give my belly/the baby kisses and hugs before they go to bed.
I am really starting to feel huge and a lot of my maternity shirts are starting not to fit me anymore, this could be a problem.  I am not sleeping very well, but I have learned to live with this for the most part.  It is all part of being a mother.  So far this pregnancy has been a little more difficult then the boys.  I was more sick this time (morning and night) and have been even more emotional, but it will all be worth it when we get to snuggle our beautiful baby girl.